Given that I’ve been living on Roatan for over four years now, I get the question all the time: “so what’s your story?” Well, here it is: http://www.thescubageek.com/i-am-the-scuba-geek/.

The sweat runs down my brow in small torrents, cascading over my recently-shaved head and obscuring my vision with the tingle of salt that no rapid eye-blinking can remedy. I am poised: arms flexed, balance sturdy, legs braced, steady breathing. My opponent, despite being both fourteen inches and years my inferior, is equally prepared. The bell rings. My arms pump in rapid yet rhythmic alternation, delivering haymakers and uppercuts to the facial region of my foe. He ducks, weaves, and wallops a low kidney-shot to my torso, simultaneously crumbling my defenses and body with a single emphatic blow. I twitch on the ground in agony. Despite the fervent shaking of my arms, I remain unconscious on the floor. The time » read more «

Evelyn, a professional Madonna impersonator, gives the performance of a lifetime on the Coconut Tree Divers deck. Amazingly, the voice really is her singing “Like a Prayer,” and she didn’t know that her prop would be a three-foot-long sparkling schlong until seconds prior to performance. Watch all the way to the end— it will blow you away. Note to self: Install web cam on Coconut Tree Divers deck.

I’m trying to not drip puss all over my shiny new MacBook. Last week I was bit by a spider. I don’t know what type of spider. If I knew what type of spider bit me, I wouldn’t have let it crawl on my neck in the first place. I just woke up with two lovely incision marks near my left jugular. In lieu of developing spidey-sense, I got a fever. I can’t sling webs from my wrist nor swoop in unexpectedly on bad guys. I can, however, ooze puss, spread Staph, and sit around looking decidedly unheroic. I can’t even climb into my superhero suit (the wet variety) for the next three days. Aside from a woman named Mary » read more «