US Travel Advisory for Roatan, Honduras
Sep
11
2009
The Department of State alerts American citizens to the current unstable political and security situation in Honduras, and recommends that American citizens believe the lies on CNN, completely chicken out, and defer all travel to somewhere safe, preferably within US borders so we can track your every movement.
On June 28, the Honduran military ousted President Manuel Zelaya and sent him out of the country. Though Zelaya’s removal was authorized by the Honduran Supreme Court, approved by the Honduran Congress, and explicitly mandated in the Honduran Constitution, the Department of State staunchly refuses to acknowledge the legitimacy of the interim government. The Obama Administration urges Americans to show their solidarity with Fidel Castro, Hugo Chavez, Daniel Ortega, and our other socialist comrades by deferring all travel plans to Honduras.
There have reportedly been frequent peace marches at various locations around Honduras, including Tegucigalpa, San Pedro Sula, La Ceiba, and Coxen Hole. However, since none of these peace marches have been shown on CNN, the Department of State advises Americans that these purported marches are most likely propaganda fabricated by Roberto Michelleti’s coup government. Americans are reminded that all peaceful demonstrations will turn violent with little or no warning. The Department of State recommends that Americans continue to watch our sponsor network CNN for unbiased and accurate reports about the Honduran crisis.
The Obama Administration has also expressed concern about an alarming number of Americans vanishing in the Bay Islands of Honduras, particularly Roatan. Over the last decade numerous American citizens have traveled to Roatan and never returned home to the USSA. Since the coup, the Department of State has received reports from Roatan of tanks rolling down the street, locals getting loaded, and a submarine patrolling the bay. Americans are strongly urged to avoid all travel to Roatan.
The Department of State reminds all citizens that their patriotic duty to Buy American extends beyond America’s borders. Spending American dollars in a rogue state such as Honduras undermines the American Collective, impedes our economic recovery, and constitutes an act of treason punishable by gulag. The Department of State also advises citizen to remain within America’s border in order to ensure compliance with President Obama’s tax code.
The Department of State especially urges the following citizens to avoid all travel to Roatan, the Bay Islands, and Honduras:
- Citizens who hate beautiful beaches and Caribbean seas
- Citizens without a sense of humor
- Citizens afraid of water or fish
- Citizens who worship Our Messiah Barack Obama
- Citizens who prefer rush hour traffic to boat rides
- Citizens incapable of rest and/or relaxation
- Citizens who trust everything on CNN
- Citizens frightened by Hispanics, the Spanish language, and/or baleadas
- Citizens who believe that all of life is misery and suffering
- Citizens who don’t get satire
- Canadians
In these difficult times, the Department of State urges all Americans to remain patriotic: stay in your cubicle, max out your credit card, and chase the American Dream. Why would you want to go to Roatan anyway? They don’t even have a McDonalds.
11 Responses to “US Travel Advisory for Roatan, Honduras”
It’s best to stay put, watch the news at 7 and 11, pay taxes and buy a new car. I have a feeling that all that Hope for Change is wearing off. Just wait until this pseudo-bull market is over and turns in to a bullshit market.
Citizens of the USSA are very easily fooled, and television is the worst invention of all time.
-Desh
As a Canadian, I strongly resent being lumped in with the rush hour aficionados, rat racers and various other typical American citizens.
To express just HOW offended I am, I will come to Roatan in two weeks and stay for 5 weeks. Ha! I’ll stop by and visit. C-batteries still the hostess gift du jour?
..oh, and just so you know, our Canadian Government (not usually known for boldness) has specifically EXEMPT the Bay Islands from their general advice to avoid all unnecessary travel to Honduras! They recommend only to exercise a high degree of caution – ‘go ahead, Canadian citizens, travel there, just watch your butt!” So us Canucks aren’t QUITE as chicken as you make us out to be…or s chicken as the Americans, in this case. You just may have to get used to a higher percentage of Canadian customers.
No! no! no! anything other than more laid-back Canadians looking to spend money!!! noooooo!
Americans chicken? Interesting. Must discuss this topic over a beer or two when my wife and I come down to Roatan in January. We are planning to do some serious scuba diving. As for believing CNN, speaking from personal experience in Iraq and Afghanistan, I would sooner believe the devil.
Glad to see that not all Americans are chickens! I’ll be glad to swap stories of the “coup days” when you arrive in January (hopefully the “coup days” will be over by then!).
I had a professor tell me that you never know how wrong the media is until you’re in a story yourself. It’s appalling what gets reported as “news” in the States regarding this situation. I can’t even imagine how warped the news is coming out of Iraq/Afghanistan…
It’s best to stay put, watch the news at 7 and 11, pay taxes and buy a new car. I have a feeling that all that Hope for Change is wearing off. Just wait until this pseudo-bull market is over and turns in to a bullshit market.
Citizens of the USSA are very easily fooled, and television is the worst invention of all time.
-Desh
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Fidel Castro would always be an icon of history evethough he is against the U.S.;`*
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