They’re here!!! Lionfish, the beautiful and venomous fish from the South Pacific, have appeared on Roatan. This invasive species has spread at unprecedented rates across the Caribbean and Eastern Atlantic over the last few years. The Roatan Marine Park is asking for everyone’s help in reporting, capturing, and killing lionfish around Roatan. If you have seen a lionfish on one of Roatan’s dive sites, please submit a lionfish report directly to the Roatan Marine Park.

[View full-sized image] Ready to lose those unwanted pounds FAST? Want a diet plan that 100% NATURAL? Prefer to eat more and still LOSE WEIGHT? Then try AmoebaLite! It’s weight loss made so easy it stupid!  Simply take one starter pill to begin dieting. When you’ve reached your desired weight, just take two stopper pills per day for five days to end the diet. Based on centuries-old Mayan traditions, AmoebaLite is an all-natural weight-loss solution guaranteed to work! Start losing weight today with AmoebaLite! Side effects may include: nausea, dizziness, prolonged fatigue, diarrhea, vomiting, diarrhea and vomiting simultaneously, severe stomach cramps, dehydration, fever, suicidal thoughts, hallucinations, rectal bleeding, inability to eat, hemorrhoids, swamp ass, and, in one documented case, spontaneous » read more «

What I would give for a good night’s sleep… My trip to Utila has worn me out. A quick three-day, two-night jaunt over to The Other Island turned into a completely mental six-day whirlwind of scuba diving, Sambuca, fried pork, urinated bunk beds, beautiful women, and very, very late nights. But more on that in a later update. Still exhausted from the previous wild week, I decide to call it an early night. I try to finish my Utila trip report for the website, but the words aren’t coming. My battered brain and droopy eyelids prevent me from writing anything remotely coherent. (Not that much was coherent about the trip). My sophisticated, intelligent descriptions of my immature, depraved misadventures will » read more «

…is apparently also a lie on Utila. I arrived on Roatan’s sister island via Captain Verne’s catamaran ($100 round trip Half Moon Bay, Roatan to Utila Town, Utila) on Tuesday. The plan? Hang out for a two nights, do a little skin diving, and return to the “real world” of Roatan on Thursday. Yeah, so about that plan… It’s Friday afternoon and I’m once again telling the lie, “Seriously guys, I’m leaving tomorrow.” This time, though, I mean it. Honestly. When I get back to Roatan’s blazing fast internet (think year-2000 speeds, as opposed to Utila’s 1994 speeds), expect deliciously debaucherous updates about my time here. I didn’t think an island could be more ridiculously bizarre than Roatan, but this » read more «