“Look, here comes that crazy lady.” He points over my shoulder. I turn, following his black finger towards the white dress sauntering down the dock below. Crackhead Craig is right. It is the crazy lady. Craig leans closer and props his sunglasses haphazardly on his head. “That bitch crazy, man,” he mumbles, looking at me with glazed eyes. For a brief second I catch a glimpse of the teenage boy who helped his dad raise the pigs as I watched from my neighboring hammock. Then the image withers into the emaciated figure extending his open palm towards me. “Gimme a cigarette.” “I don’t smoke, dude. I tell you that every time you ask.” “Oh,” he sniffs, head weaving. The crazy » read more «

“Oh God, he’s dead!” The tears stream uncontrollably. The same sad words— “he’s dead”— reiterate through convulsive sobs of sorrow. The rescuer thrusts violently against his chest, the movement of her lips a verbal metronome against which the compressions are delivered. “One-and-two-and-three-and…” “You’re doing it wrong! He’s turning blue!” “Take care of this guy!” she shouts. “You, calm him down. Keep him away and watch him for shock.” Her count reaches thirty and she seals the victims nose for two more breaths. The chest rises, falls, and repeats. She traces his ribcage with her hand, places two fingers on his sternum, and strikes the heel of her palm in place. The count resumes as she channels 130 pounds of force » read more «

Before you read any more, know this: Everything is fine on Roatan. Please keep coming to our island! “They arrested the President.” I stop, nearly slipping on the wet tiles of the dive shop, and lower the scuba cylinders hoisted in each hand. My skin still glistens with sea salt and sweat, my mind lost in its mental menagerie of groupers, snappers, barracudas, and jacks encountered on the previous dive. The cacophony of banging tanks and bustling interns fades into the background. “Army moved in this morning. Two-hundred guys surrounded his house and arrested him. Dragged him out in his pajamas.” The Boss points to the computer monitor. I quickly scan the displayed website. My gut twists. Fifteen minutes earlier, » read more «

Welcome back to surreality! This is just a quick update to explain my lack of updates over the last week. It’s not that I haven’t had material to write about. I have, and that is the problem. For those eager for the next update in the adventures of TheScubaGeek, I offer this list of events in my life. Each of these items warrants a proper follow-up article (and I swear I’ll get them done), but for now, this is the best I can manage at 1am on Honduran highspeed…. Pete found a juvenile lionfish at 38ft near Dixie’s Place. We captured the bugger and brought him to the surface, where he survived for three days on a diet of rum » read more «